It's me, Chloe. (1)

Postings about myself will be long, I think. So I will post seperately with keywords. My personality is the main idea of this posting. Lots of keywords came up to my mind. You know, there are so many words that can express myself. I excluded some about my hobby, and the culture I like. (such as Superhero movie, Dancing, Traveling, Collection...) I'm going to post about them on other pages.

Keywords are 'An Individual Personality', 'Nationality', and 'History'. These have very close relationships with one another. Acutually they are the keywords I have found as I live my life.

Ok, let's start with 'An Individual Personality'. (wow it's big..)

An Individual Personality

I major in oriental medicine. But what I really want to be i not a doctor, but just a nice person. What am I talking about? I mean it. I really want to have a fine character that
I can be satisfied with. I'm not talking about acting like an angel. I simply want to appreciate my every moment of life. I don't want to waste my precious time getting angry and whining. That's all.

However, it's not as simple as it seems. I've seen a number of people who are intelligent, make a lot of money, or have a great social position throughout my life. However, they couldn't move my heart at all. Honest to God, I have never felt impressed by somebody's material achievement or smartness. Is it weird? Yes, It is. And it became a problem. My parents and teachers always told me that I wasn't facing reality and worried about me being an idealist. I also noticed that being nice isn't everything that I needed when living a life. But since I never tried to escape from reality, it was hard to change my direction. Even now, what I‘m trying most is to be more considerate to people, to be more positive, and to have a laid-back personality.

Actually I was not a born optimist, but rather a pessimist. In my opinion, people naturally yearn for what they lack. I was a smart, cold, arrogant girl. (The picture on the left is me singing. Weren't I taught that smiling was better when singing?) I always thought I had to lead everything and I deserved it. I was angry about the people for the reason that they didn't move as I liked. The whole world seemed stupid. I hurt many people around me with tiny little things. (Some time ago, my mother said she was deeply hurt because I never smiled at home. Even when I was elected as a class president, she heard about it from my classmate's mother.) Around then, I was too sensitive to feel ill, so I had to leave school early at least twice a week. (wow..........)

But suddenly, I realized that what mattered most was not the surroundings, but the way I looked at them. No special occasion led me to this conclusion. It just suddenly came into my mind. I think it's the moment that my agony reached its limit. At last, I was day by day getting tired with my attitude and the effects it brought.
At first, it was not easy for me to change my attitude at once. But I consistently tried to adjust my style of thinking and acting to how I wanted to be.

Happiness finally came to me. At last, I can say that I am a positive and broad-minded person now. It took me almost seven years to get where I am. Maybe deep inside, I still get angry at things I don't like, yet I try to understand them first. Now I can laugh at small things from my heart. I sincerely think every moment of my life is meaningful and great. I thank to people around me for staying together. I no longer suffer from an unaccountable headache or stomachache. I sometimes fail but I don't get needlessly frustrated.

Now, Some people even tell me that I am too positive and too much positiveness cause irresponsibility. I agree with them, so try to maintain an adequate balance. It is hard but I won't give up. Since I know there is no perfect personality, I don't force myself to be perfectly generous. It's not oppression but desire to be happy that makes me laugh.